Do Not Worry About Me

This is off the beaten path of most of my work but a loss in my young life led me to some very dark thoughts about the world around me.  I am sure after much cognizant examination, it is what turned my writing to the darker side of the abyss in my early 20s. It was a loss I could not comprehend and I felt useless to the most important people in my life; my parents. Losing a child is the most horrible thing that can happen to anyone. Losing a child and raising two teenage rebellious daughters is tantamount to unavoidable tragedy, missteps and poor judgment undertaken. I can finally put things into perspective and express the words I know will give my parents comfort. I have let go of may anger of how unjust and unfair and unexplainable the events of losing my little brother are and I can finally pay tribute to his memory through my words. This is a gift to my parents and my little brother who left us way too soon. Always in our hearts and never far from our thoughts. Rest Well Baby Brother. We love and miss you and will see you again someday.

I know today is hard for you, as it is with each year anew

I know you both miss me. I miss you too.

From above the clouds and beyond a bird’s eye view

I gaze down each day and smile upon you

Mom and Dad “I love you with all of my heart”

These words for you, not sure where to start

I was taken too soon and you cannot understand

But rest assured it was part of God’s Plan

It might not be fair. It may not be right

But when you rest your head on a pillow, I am there every night

I come to you in wishes, thoughts, prayers and dreams

I am always by your side. I know how much that means

I watch you with my niece and nephew, great kids I must say

I will be with you all again, in the future someday

I am honored by the name given to ‘the boy’

And that little one, what a ticket.  So giddy and full of joy

Today I am a young man. No longer a baby, but proud you would be.

I have the best of both of you flowing through me

I have Dad’s personality, they think I am quite a card

I have your compassion Mom, I feel your pain.  That is really hard.

Each year goes by and you miss me as much as the day I left

But I want you to know because of your love, I am truly blessed

Only the most amazing kids are taken so young

I was brought here to watch over you. Your guardian angel son.

What an honor for you to think of me

Look up to the clouds, I am there; you will see

I am not mourning, I am not sad, I am free and forever will be

Awash with the love you have always shared for me

I know someday we will be together again

I will introduce to God, my dearest old friend

For in your absence he has guided me and kept me safe

But you Mom and Dad, can never be replaced

Someday you will come home and I will greet you at the gate

Don’t worry about me, I was brought here by fate

God needs little ones, innocent and pure of heart

To watch over those who have been emotionally scarred

I guide and protect you from here up above

Keep smiling, stay safe and know you will always have my love

I will see you someday but let’s not rush it okay

Don’t worry about me because I am safe and sound this way.

Patti George                  

September 13, 2013

Happy Birthday Sean Allan Larrow – We love and miss you

A FINAL DETERMINATION OF UNFORESEEN GUILT

Truth a predicament for those who know my pain

Deceptive faux compassion hide my inner rage

Past good deeds and lost sentiment of a noble fool

Waste of space continues wading in the gene pool

Life here will never be the same

Each dispelled breath one step closer to the grave

Bouts of rage and solace fight for a sought after place

Admiration scrolled on imaginary walls in a lonely distant space

Pooling tears hide little of my self-condemning remorse

Once spilled, reality will reveal the magnitude of loss

The body shuts down, systems fail, the soul awakens and a new chapter begins

A story never told of truthful unspoken sins

When the last words cross her lips, it will mark my final rejection

The journey ends with a lucid moment of her undying affection

Regardless of betrayals and disappointments piled high

A mother’s love for her child will never truly die.

Those left behind are strapped with an impossible choice

Allow the forsaken redemption and grant her a voice

The only wish I have is to look in the other direction

Never look upon her face after the final breath; denying vindication

It is with little regret on that fateful final day

The bond of blood between sisters too will pass away

Deeply rooted in my heart a display of embittered cold

 

For alone, I hold the burden of a conscience; a feeling she will never know.

PG

April 23, 2013

A Clearing On A Dark Day

This poem took a lot of courage to put down on paper.  We all run across someone in our lives who in one way or another proves to be of poor moral fiber but some are the epitomy of "bad" and can often times lead us to dark places within ourselves or grant us a glimpse of evil. Hopefully, many readers will not relate to this story. I know some will which makes me very sad. So many women, unfortunately, face this type of and worse abuse on a regular basis. Shedding light on the psychological affect of physical abuse is hard to understand unless you have lived it. Thoughts and prayers to all of those victims out there who feel there is no hope. There is always light at the end of the tunnel when you find your own self worth and motivation. No one should live in fear.


Walking towards the edge of the clearing
Cannot see the laughter she is hearing
Beginning to run towards the melodious sounds
Heartbeat racing whilst her chest pounds

Almost there, running from a soul of blackness; dark
Her body numb, his blows leave plenty a mark
From the devil who's never bruised her "gorgeous face"
Beneath clothing skin purplish black, above her neck not a trace

He's running for the clearing too, pray he won't track her down
Maybe he'll be okay if she's no longer around
Trying to go faster, heading into the sun
She truly believed he could be the one

As the blows land, she closes her eyes
Heading towards the clearing and muffling her cries
Soon it will be over again, having exhausted himself
He'll toss her aside or place her gently back on the shelf

Once she can focus she will flee this room
If he awakens now, it will be her doom
Slowly she moves; the pain so intense
On her fragile body, his rage he vents

For in only two months 40 pounds slipped away
She endures this pain and degradation every day
His coercion her submission found in a powder line
If she is in the clouds, the pain does subside

She's found peace for now as blood flows down the drain
Images of happy laughing children float on her brain

Her limbs are aching, back is bleeding and on fire
As the children laugh, she starts to climb higher

Up towards the clouds, one step closer to release
Suddenly she's awakened from her daydreams
As again she's forced to her knees
The children now cry and she hears her own pleas

Auburn hair tangled and wet, body shivering and cold
Before his very eyes her beauty is growing old
Through the fog she sees the clearing there
Her mind is screaming "I can't let the children hear!"

He rips, he tears, he kicks and bites
She sprints for the clearing, she won't try to fight
Auburn locks flowing down her back like angry fire
Her soul now free, heart light and only one desire

Run faster, breathe steady, the clearing almost in sight
When the devil leaves today, she may actually reach the light
Line after line, blurred reality in her mind
No conscious thought as she sips her wine
  
White powder on a mirror and wine in a glass
Wondering how long these lines and Merlot can last...
He brought pain and introduced her to powdered love divine
When he gets home her body will be cold. Today he'll finish the wine.

She Devil

This one is also from my nightmares, however the roles were reversed this time.  Normally, I'm the victim or at least the weak one.  I am usually scared, cowering and petrified.  It is unsettling to see your own face on a beautiful savage beast in a dream.  The faces of my victims were not clear in this dream, but I woke up feeling guilty for some reason and very cold.  I wish someone could take my words and draw them into the light with a painted rendition of these images full of beasts.  I think maybe if I saw them on canvas, I'd be able to rid myself of them.


Shall we play a game of chance
Show me who you are; will you dance
Does her sparkling laughter
Make you wonder what comes after

Does her steady gaze show intensity
An instinctive propensity
Gauging your need while looking for your weakness
Mistakenly revealed when she fools you with her meakness

Hang on every word passing over luscious lips
The warmth in her eyes is merely an eclipse
The She Devil waits with snarling frustration
Until revealed her wrath; oh the anticipation

To begin, she will shred one layer as you pray
With red glowing eyes, she imagines tearing your flesh away
One layer then two, until your veins rip wide
Her blood lust kicks in, from her you can't hide

It was your obvious vulnerability
Her opening; a possibility
Turning the tide and leaving a vicious scar
Her fangs will sink deep into your bloody beating heart

Now comes her dark passionate ritual
She'll tear at your throat lovingly til all of your blood spills
Setting the mood, this She Devil in the dark
Her lust and violent desires are sure to leave a mark

Under the spell of a lustful wicked bitch
Beware now, you have triggered her Kill switch
Your warmth and compassion make her livid and cold
Burnt glowing ashes of your heart she will hold

Sparkling laughter again, or did you imagine it
Craved her beneath you, so now you can't forget
Evoking emotions for her means you must die
Pick up what's left, go home and just cry

She's now exhausted, her loins no longer ache
She'll spit out your remains while your heart breaks
Beautiful glowing eyes are truly black and cold
The She Devil mocks you, she does not have a soul

Limp away, go hide and  lick your wounds
She'll growl her satisfaction and worship the moon
Tugging at her body for justification is never allowed
Didn't you realize she was only on the prowl

You may beg and plead to see her again
But she's gone forever, get over it my friend
No memories shared or meaningful words spoken
You were a novelty, a useless token

She faded back into the darkest of night
Beware she sees you again, stay to the light
If your paths do cross; you may wonder what that means
But as she stalks new prey, try to remember your own screams.

So stay to the shadows, far from her darkness
Her blood lust is not something she can harness
If she chose another, you would still be whole
But you met the She Devil who craved only your soul.

PG  2008